The Worst of 2007
A lot of blogs right now are posting their “Best of 2007” piece. But, that’s just not my style. I don’t mean to be negative all the time; I’m just a far better critic than supporter and therefore have more to say from a negative view. Is that wrong? Anyway, I would like to present to you, Frank’s Worst of 2007…
Worst Movie – Spider-Man 3
One huge disappointment. I new this would be bad as soon as they called on Topher Grace, the scrawny kid from “That 70s Show”, to play the Eddie Brock. The story gets complicated as they try to fit too much into a single movie; 3 major villains is too damn many. The computerized graphics aren’t bad until they start moving; the movement isn’t nearly fluid or realistic enough for a film of this caliber. The worst part of this movie? Tobey Maguire goes into a dance number. Horrible movie.
Worst Game – Deal or No Deal for the Nintendo DS
I’ll start by saying that I absolutely love the game show. The contestant is presented with 26 briefcases, each with an amount ranging from a penny to a million bucks. The contestant chooses a briefcase to keep and starts eliminating the other cases to try to narrow down what amount he/she picked. It’s such a simple concept. So simple, in fact, that creating a video game version is pointless. You just randomly pick numbers to try to win fake money; not really fun at all. To make things worse, the DS version isn’t really random at all; once you memorize the predetermined patterns, you’ll know where the million bucks is every time.
Worst Song – Watch My Shoes by Trill Fam
An absolutely retarded song about ‘not stepping on shoes’. The song starts off with the words “Don’t fuck with me” over and over and over. Here are the lyrics of the stupid chorus:
Nigga Do What You Do
A Get Loose But
I Know One Thing
You Better Watch My Shoes
Nigga Do How You Feel
Do What You Like
Nigga Step On My Whites
In The Club We Gon Fight
Got That Liquor In Your Cup
That Killer In Ya Hand
But Nigga Watch The Way Buck
And Watch The Way You Dance Nigga
They Dont Like These
Cause They Aint Got These
Bitch You Better Watch These
A Catch A Two Piece
Anybody that actually likes this song is a fucking retard.
Worst Book – If I Did It
This is a book that was written by O.J. Simpson containing his hypothetical description of the murders of Nicole Brown Simpson and Ronald Goldman. It was canceled for reasons I shouldn’t have to note. Who would offer to publish such a book? Who else but Rupert Murdoch and his wicked News Corporation which includes the Fox Network. Fuck you, you greedy sons of bitches, fuck you all!!
Worst Invention – PETaPOTTY
I thought this was a joke at first, but it’s for real; think litter box for dogs. It’s a pad of turf grass in a box for your dog so he can piss and shit without leaving your house. What a great idea!! Teach your dog to take a dump inside your fucking house. And guess which celebrities rave about this so called invention; Tori Spelling and Shannon Elizabeth. That alone is reason enough to call this idea stupid.
Of course there are many other categories and many other nominations for these categories. But let’s be honest here; I have a fucking life. And, I’m sure so do you. So get out there and bring in the New Year with a bang!!
Anti-War Poster
I saw an interesting anti-war poster the other day with the heading “Only Direct Action Will Stop the War”. I took a picture but it didn’t turn out as good as I had hoped so I thought I would just post the content…
Hypothesis:
If enough people express peaceable opposition to the Iraq war, they’ll call it off.
Experiment:
On February 15, 2003, protesters gathered in 800 cities around the world to voice disapproval of the war. Crowd estimates range between 6 and 30 million. The Guinness Book of World Records recorded it as the largest anti-war protest in history.
Results:
On March 20, 2003, “coalition forces” invaded Iraq, initiating a senselessly bloody occupation that continues to this day.
Hypothesis:
If we elect politicians who say they oppose the Iraq war, they will call it off.
Experiment:
Democrats campaigning on antiwar platforms are elected to control of US congress in November 2006.
Results:
The Democrats call for a “nonbinding timeline” to withdraw troops from Iraq by April Fool’s Day, 2008, then back down on all their demands.
Hypothesis:
The political class does not respond to our wishes, our votes, or even our bloody deaths; they only take into account the power we are able to exert upon them. Only direct action that effectively obstructs their activities can stop the occupation of Iraq.
Experiment:
Third time’s the charm! Come to Denver, CO August 25-28 and St. Paul, MN Sept 1-4 to shut down the 2008 Democratic and Republican National Conventions. No more politics as usual!
…it seems to have been printed by an anarchist/anti-authoritarian group in St. Paul, Minnesota. Their website is www.NORNC.org.
One Snowy, Shitty Night
To my dissatisfaction about 6 inches of fresh snow fell on the ground last night. Driving home from my girlfriend’s place ended up being one hellish feat. Hell, I got stuck getting out of her back lane. Twice. I felt absolutely horrible because she had to come out and help shovel my car out of the snow. Twice. To make matters worse, my car is a manual transmission and my girlfriend can’t drive stick for the life of her. This meant that she was left outside pushing while I was inside the car stepping on the gas. Twice. Man, do I owe her. I especially owe her an apology for flipping out as I usually do in situations like that. I can’t remember exactly what I was saying but I recall that it contained a lot of fucks and shits.
Those curses continued as I got stuck at a 4 way stop not far away from her place. I should’ve just blew past that stupid sign; nobody was coming at that time of night anyway. Serves me right for obeying the law. Once again my manual transmission added to the disaster as the stop sign was situated at a pretty steep incline. For those of you who drive stick I’m sure you know how difficult incline climbs are when starting from a stopped position; especially in fresh snow. Luckily, somebody did come around at that time of night. A couple teenagers were kind enough to give me a hand. So, thanks to them as well.
The rest of the drive home was filled with fishtails and close calls. But I made it. I disregarded a few stop signs along the way. But I made it. Unfortunately, this morning began with a buried car, a shovel in my hand, and another late added to my file at work. Man, I hate winter.
Boxing Day Scam
For those of you who don’t know, Boxing Day is
It’s a well known fact that consumers go nuts for almost an entire month before Christmas; spending ridiculous amounts of money on regular priced products to give as gifts to their loved ones. Then, once Christmas is over and all the gifts are bought, the retailers put everything on sale on Boxing Day. It’s just a fucking money grab. And we, as consumers, eat this shit up thinking that we’re getting an awesome deal.
Well we’re not, people. The retailers are just using Boxing Day as an excuse to sell off the inventory that wasn’t sold during the Christmas rush. And we fall for it hook, line, and sinker every goddamn year. The only real way to beat this scam is to buy gift certificates as Christmas gifts for everybody. That way the 50 bucks you spent on the certificate can buy them a lot more on Boxing Week than it would have if you spent it before Christmas. Just be careful as some places won’t accept Gift Cards on special occasions or sale items, AKA Boxing Day. Fucking scammers.
Shortchanged at the Bar
As the title suggests, I was recently shortchanged at the bar. It was a sports bar that my friends and I like to go to for the Monday night game. I was purchasing an alcoholic beverage for my friend and I; she had a gin and tonic and I had a rye and coke. I handed the bartender a bill out of my pocket for the $7 tab and he shortly returned with $3 in change. I hesitated, accepted the change, left $2 for tip, and walked off.
Not long after, the waitress came around to our table to bring us our orders. I pulled out the cash to pay her for my order of wings (BBQ and honey garlic). While I had my money out I decided to do a quick count as I was still questioning if I was given the correct change earlier. I knew it! I gave that bastard bartender a $20 bill. I specifically remember that I had a lone $10 bill with me and there I was, still holding it. Fucker took an additional 10 bucks for tip!
Now, I wouldn’t be making a big deal about this if it was the first time; but it wasn’t. I remember that this type of thing has happened to me on multiple occasions before, although the recollection was always groggy at best. I also questioned my friends to see if this has happened to them, and the majority census was yes. So be on guard my fellow alcoholics as this seems to be a new trend with today’s bartenders.
What makes me think that they would pull such a devious act? Because they can. This is something that you could easily get away with; you just have to pick your targets carefully. For example, you’re the bartender and you get some drunk staggering towards you and order his umpteenth drink of the night. With his eyes barely open, he clumsily pulls out a bill without looking and hands it to you. Best bet is that this guy doesn’t even know what bill he pulled out and therefore wouldn’t how much the correct change would be; easy prey for a shortchange scam. The beauty is, even if he notices and calls you on it, you can simply play it stupid. Just apologize and say something like, “It’s been a long night”, and correct your innocent mistake.
Admit it; this type of scam would work on you if you were in an inebriated state. There’s probably bartenders all over the world taking advantage of unfortunate, unsuspecting drunks with this technique. And the worst part is that they can’t be stopped. The plan is too perfect. Damn you bartenders, damn you all!
Comical Arrests
I recently read a story regarding a thief hiding from a pair of Police Officers. One of the officers, upon entering a building which they suspected the thief was hiding in, called out, “Marco.” No, the thief’s name was not Marco. The officer was simply trying to make light of the situation. Surprisingly, the criminal was also well humored and responded with, “Polo.” Needless to say, the criminal was soon found and arrested.
Put a smile on your face? Here are a few other stories that I dug up involving some rather comical arrests.
- In Des Moines, Iowa, a woman tried to avoid paying traffic tickets by sending her judge a letter stating that she was deceased. It worked. The judge threw the case away believing the violator to be recently departed. However, it was soon resurrected when she was pulled over again for speeding a month down the road. Along with those traffic charges was also an account of fraud.
- A pair of thieves made out with $2,000 worth of digital cameras at a local Wal-Mart in Long Island, New York. Unfortunately for the police, the surveillance cameras in the store didn’t help much as there were no clear views of the criminals’ faces. However, they did note something of interest while watching the tapes; one of the thieves decided to use a chained demo camera to take a picture of their partner during the crime spree. The police were able to print out a photo from that demo camera and used it to correctly identify the photogenic thieves.
- In White Burr Lake, Minnesota, an 18 year old woman was being charged with criminal vehicular homicide. The accusation came after 2 teenage boys were killed in an accident where she was driving the car intoxicated. She pleaded not guilty to the charge but posted the following on her MySpace profile…
“I JUST WANT TO LET EVERYONE KNOW..AUGUST 19 2006 [Passenger #1] AND [Passenger #2] DIED AND ME AND [Passenger #3] WERE HURT I’M SURE ALOT OF YOU REALLY DONT GIVE A FUCK ABOUT ME …. YES ITS MY FAULT BECAUSE I WAS THE DRIVER BUT THINK ABOUT IT HOW MANY OF YOU DID WHAT I DID …. NOW DONT GET ME WRONG I TAKE FULL RESPONSABILTY FOR EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENED, …. I NEVER THOUGHT IT WAS GONNA HAPPEN TO ME AND IT DID. I LEARNED FROM THAT I LOST TWO VERY GOOD FRIENDS OF MINE AND ALOT OF PEOPLE DID. I GUESS ALL I’M TRYING TO SAY IS LEARN FROM WHAT I DID …. I WANT TO SAY I’M SORRY TO EVERYONE THIS HAS EFFECTED, THE FAMILY AND FRIENDS TRULY I AM, I NEVER MENT TO DO THIS. LIKE I SAID PLEASE LEARN FROM WHAT I DID AND REMEMBER WHO WE LOSS”
…she is currently serving 23 years on probation.
- A male resident of Charlotte, North Carolina, decided to insure his stockpile of expensive and extremely rare cigars. Among the events being protected by the policy was fire. Within a month, the man had smoked his entire supply of the noted cigars and filed a claim with the insurance company stating that the cigars were lost in a series of small fires. The insurance company, of course, refused to pay but the man took them to court and actually won the case. The insurance company accepted the ruling and forked over $15,000 to the man. However, once the man cashed the check, the company had him arrested for arson. Using his claim and testimony from his previous case, the company proved that he intentionally burned his insured property and he was sentenced to 2 years in jail and a $24,000 fine.
So there you have it, worth the time to read I hope. I decided not to publish the names of the people involved for sad moral reasons which I can’t really explain.
Do All Windshield Wipers Suck?
It’s absolutely ridiculous that in all the years that I have owned a vehicle, I have not had a pair of windshield wipers that worked to my satisfaction, especially during the winter months. At first I just put up with the default, factory installed sets and bought the cheap, generic brands as replacements when they wore out; and wore out often they did.
After I got tired of only being able to peek through the slits where those junkie generic wipers actually touched the glass, I smartened up and bought the more expensive sets. I didn’t want to overdo my expenditure and so I went with the semi-expensive sets; the middle class of the wiper blade selection. These didn’t fair much better. Though they allowed for a bit more visibility they simply were not dependable when I really needed them. The wipers rubbed and streaked and I had to constantly free the blades from any snow, ice, or road muck that stuck on. They definitely were not worth the price of the upgrade.
This year, I decided that I have had enough. I went out and bought the most expensive pair that Canadian Tire had in their arsenal for my vehicle. I bought the MotoMaster Teflon Winter Brand with precision fit. Luckily, they were on sale for 25% off and I walked away with only a $40 hole in my wallet. Let the MotoMaster trail being.
During the early days of this year’s winter, the wipers held up, clearing the glass in front of me with a streakless proficiency that pleased me deeply. There was no need to clean the blades. No need to worry. I felt victorious; I finally found a pair of wiper blades that I could depend on. My winter driving qualms were left only to the slick roads themselves. Or so I thought.
One morning, the weather crept to a chilling -25 degrees Celsius; that’s -13 degrees Fahrenheit to my neighbors to the South. Also known as, frickin cold. And so I put on my long underwear and made my way to work. The trek began as normal. The car took forever to warm up and I was forced to take small sips of my morning hot chocolate to survive. The roads were slick and I, like everyone else, slowly made my way through the rush hour streets. To top it all off, it began to snow.
But, I thought nothing of it as I had my trusty MotoMaster wipers to clear my view. And so I clicked my wipers on and watched as they glided across my sight. The problem was, they didn’t take all of the snow with them. There were thick streaks left behind on my glass and my visibility soon became hindered as the snowfall intensified. This can’t be right, I thought to myself; there must be something stuck on the blades. I pulled over and checked on the wiper blades. Nothing. And then I saw it.
The wipers weren’t clinging to the glass as they usually did. I tried to reform the bend of the wipers manually but this was a lost cause. I began to fill up with a feeling of anger and failure. The cold winter had defeated me again and I looked at my once glorious wiper blades in disgust. And so my journey to find a solution to my windshield woes continues. You may have won this battle, winter. But the war is far from over.
Intentional Walks are Crap
It’s the bottom of the ninth of an all important match-up between division rivals. The tying runner is on third, awaiting his chance to head for home. On the mound is last year’s Cy Younger, looking to cap a brilliant night off with one more out. Up to bat is the reigning MVP, ready and focused for the task at hand. The fans fall silent, creeping to the edge of their seats. The catcher looks to his dugout and, after receiving a signal from his coach, jumps to the side and holds his mitt in the air. Ball 1, ball 2, ball 3, ball 4!!! What the fuck?!?!?
These moments are what sports are all about. Two great athletes ready to do battle and test their honed skills against one another in a single climactic event. The players get to show the world what they’re made of and the fans get a show for their money. An automatic highlight reel regardless of the outcome. Calling for an intentional walk in a moment like this is down-right wrong. I say, let the players play and the fans enjoy.
Good coaching? Fine. Good sportsmanship? I think not. In hockey, would it be fair for the opposing team to define who takes the penalty shot? In soccer, the free kick? Basketball, the free throw? Then why would it be any different in baseball? Sure, the opposing team isn’t exactly dictating who gets to bat this situation, but they sure as hell get a say in who doesn’t; and that’s the same thing in my mind.
Yes, I understand that a ban on intentional walks would be difficult to implement and administer. After all, it could have just been 4 misplaced throws. But, isn’t this why the people upstairs get payed the big bucks, to provide solutions for difficult dilemmas? I honestly believe that getting rid of intentional walks would do wonders for the game of baseball. Hell, I don’t even like baseball.
$157 for a $150 gift card
Plus $4.42 for shipping. Here is the auction at ebay. I have also taken a screenshot which can be found here. Am I reading this right? Is there something special about this card that you would feel it necessary to bid more that it’s actual value? Is there some kind of hidden value or does it come with a free gift? Maybe a celebrity of your choice delivers it to your door?
Okay, that last one is a bit far fetched, but c’mon. What compels somebody to bid that high? That’s like going to the store and offering full price on something that’s on sale. Plus $4.42 for shipping. Are these bidders idiots. Or is it just me?
Sad thing is, you can go to the walmart website and purchase a $150 gift card for, get this, $150. And only $1.88 for shipping. Imagine that.
Wow. Maybe I’ll go to walmart tonight and buy a bunch of $10 gift cards and sell them on ebay for $12 a piece. Plus $4.42 shipping. What do you guys think?
25 Things that Infuriate Me
As the title states, here is a list of 25 things that piss me off. This list was yet another brainchild of my friends to ease my anger in a way that is safe for everyone involved. Please bare in mind that this list is in no particular order as I tend to hate all things equally.
- No return policies
- Extended warranties
- Student drivers; was I that slow?
- Elderly drivers; will I be that slow?
- All other slow drivers
- Having to adjust the volume when I change radio stations
- Hot chocolate from Tim Horton’s; should be called “Burn your tongue chocolate”
- People that stare and wait for me to laugh after they’ve told a stupid joke
- My Debt
- Elevator Music
- Shitty movies
- Being a good procrastinator
- Photo radar
- Having to pay Photo radar tickets
- Batteries and their habit of dieing when you need really need them
- The fact that dogs are now fashion accessories; stupid hilton and her stupid dog
- Dogs that wear more bling than me; stupid hilton and her stupid dog
- Bad luck and the abundance of it
- Good luck and the lack of it
- Hot weather
- Cold weather
- People that blame there farts on me; own up, people!!
- The loud ass scratchy noise that corrupted downloaded music makes; and yes I know this is illegal but who doesn’t do it?
- Sheets coming off the mattress
- Inflation
- Movies that glorify serial killers
- Cold pizza; how can people eat that?
- Umbrellas on windy days; more of a hindrance I say
- Insomnia
- Celebrities and sports figures that retire only to return in a couple of years
- Unfunny commercials that try to be funny; recent Best Buy commercials
- Arguing with stubborn people
I know I said 25 things but I was on a roll. In fact I’ll probably add more to this list in the future as there’s still alot of things that I’d like to add. Apparently, it doesn’t take much to piss me off. I guess I can see the point of these lists.