12 Reasons to Hate the English Language
Although I am obviously targeting the English language, I’m sure a list similar to this can be produced for any given language.
- The bandage was wound around the wound.
- The farm was used to produce produce.
- We must polish the Polish furniture.
- The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
- Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
- A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
- When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
- They were too close to the door to close it.
- The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
- After a number of injections my jaw got number.
- Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
- I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
Enduring the Winter
The cold in my parts have begun to sneak at the -30°C. In event of this I decided to post a quick list to help you endure the chilling effects of these winter months.
- Cover your head. Over half your body heat escapes through your head so make sure to cover that area.
- Let your hands breathe. If your gloves are too tight, they will limit the blood flow which prevents your hands from warming up.
- Same with your feet. Be careful not to wear too many layers of socks or tighten your laces too much as this will constrict blood flow as well.
- Steer clear from cotton. Stick with wool as cotton doesn’t insulate very well when you begin to sweat.
- Adjust your schedule. Keep in mind that it always, always takes longer to get anywhere during the winter.
- Stay hydrated. Your body uses up more energy when it’s cold outside so keep yourself fueled.
- But sober. My least favorite tip but the alcohol thins your blood making it tougher for your body to stay warm.
- Be ready. I always make sure to have a shovel, flashlight, and jumper cables in the trunk of my car.
- Beware of black ice. A safe rule of thumb is to always assume that the ground you’re walking or driving on is slippery.
- Lessen your stride. Avoid slips by reducing the gap in your stride. This will help you keep your balance in the event that you lose your footing.
- Don’t forget sunscreen. It’s not just for the summer. The sun reflecting of off ice or snow can still result in burning.
There you have it. Some quick tips from Frank to help you endure the winter. And trust me, I know what I’m talking about; I’m Canadian.
The Worst of 2007
A lot of blogs right now are posting their “Best of 2007” piece. But, that’s just not my style. I don’t mean to be negative all the time; I’m just a far better critic than supporter and therefore have more to say from a negative view. Is that wrong? Anyway, I would like to present to you, Frank’s Worst of 2007…
Worst Movie – Spider-Man 3
One huge disappointment. I new this would be bad as soon as they called on Topher Grace, the scrawny kid from “That 70s Show”, to play the Eddie Brock. The story gets complicated as they try to fit too much into a single movie; 3 major villains is too damn many. The computerized graphics aren’t bad until they start moving; the movement isn’t nearly fluid or realistic enough for a film of this caliber. The worst part of this movie? Tobey Maguire goes into a dance number. Horrible movie.
Worst Game – Deal or No Deal for the Nintendo DS
I’ll start by saying that I absolutely love the game show. The contestant is presented with 26 briefcases, each with an amount ranging from a penny to a million bucks. The contestant chooses a briefcase to keep and starts eliminating the other cases to try to narrow down what amount he/she picked. It’s such a simple concept. So simple, in fact, that creating a video game version is pointless. You just randomly pick numbers to try to win fake money; not really fun at all. To make things worse, the DS version isn’t really random at all; once you memorize the predetermined patterns, you’ll know where the million bucks is every time.
Worst Song – Watch My Shoes by Trill Fam
An absolutely retarded song about ‘not stepping on shoes’. The song starts off with the words “Don’t fuck with me” over and over and over. Here are the lyrics of the stupid chorus:
Nigga Do What You Do
A Get Loose But
I Know One Thing
You Better Watch My Shoes
Nigga Do How You Feel
Do What You Like
Nigga Step On My Whites
In The Club We Gon Fight
Got That Liquor In Your Cup
That Killer In Ya Hand
But Nigga Watch The Way Buck
And Watch The Way You Dance Nigga
They Dont Like These
Cause They Aint Got These
Bitch You Better Watch These
A Catch A Two Piece
Anybody that actually likes this song is a fucking retard.
Worst Book – If I Did It
This is a book that was written by O.J. Simpson containing his hypothetical description of the murders of Nicole Brown Simpson and Ronald Goldman. It was canceled for reasons I shouldn’t have to note. Who would offer to publish such a book? Who else but Rupert Murdoch and his wicked News Corporation which includes the Fox Network. Fuck you, you greedy sons of bitches, fuck you all!!
Worst Invention – PETaPOTTY
I thought this was a joke at first, but it’s for real; think litter box for dogs. It’s a pad of turf grass in a box for your dog so he can piss and shit without leaving your house. What a great idea!! Teach your dog to take a dump inside your fucking house. And guess which celebrities rave about this so called invention; Tori Spelling and Shannon Elizabeth. That alone is reason enough to call this idea stupid.
Of course there are many other categories and many other nominations for these categories. But let’s be honest here; I have a fucking life. And, I’m sure so do you. So get out there and bring in the New Year with a bang!!
25 Things that Infuriate Me
As the title states, here is a list of 25 things that piss me off. This list was yet another brainchild of my friends to ease my anger in a way that is safe for everyone involved. Please bare in mind that this list is in no particular order as I tend to hate all things equally.
- No return policies
- Extended warranties
- Student drivers; was I that slow?
- Elderly drivers; will I be that slow?
- All other slow drivers
- Having to adjust the volume when I change radio stations
- Hot chocolate from Tim Horton’s; should be called “Burn your tongue chocolate”
- People that stare and wait for me to laugh after they’ve told a stupid joke
- My Debt
- Elevator Music
- Shitty movies
- Being a good procrastinator
- Photo radar
- Having to pay Photo radar tickets
- Batteries and their habit of dieing when you need really need them
- The fact that dogs are now fashion accessories; stupid hilton and her stupid dog
- Dogs that wear more bling than me; stupid hilton and her stupid dog
- Bad luck and the abundance of it
- Good luck and the lack of it
- Hot weather
- Cold weather
- People that blame there farts on me; own up, people!!
- The loud ass scratchy noise that corrupted downloaded music makes; and yes I know this is illegal but who doesn’t do it?
- Sheets coming off the mattress
- Inflation
- Movies that glorify serial killers
- Cold pizza; how can people eat that?
- Umbrellas on windy days; more of a hindrance I say
- Insomnia
- Celebrities and sports figures that retire only to return in a couple of years
- Unfunny commercials that try to be funny; recent Best Buy commercials
- Arguing with stubborn people
I know I said 25 things but I was on a roll. In fact I’ll probably add more to this list in the future as there’s still alot of things that I’d like to add. Apparently, it doesn’t take much to piss me off. I guess I can see the point of these lists.